Mind over matter
It started out with a cold. A horrible cold. The one that keeps you from sleeping at night. My nose was stuffed and no matter what I did (Alovera drops, salt water cleansing, blowing…more blowing…) it just wouldn’t open. Then my stomach began to feel full. All the time. Even when I didn’t eat much. I was sure I was pregnant. I was positive I was, but the pregnancy tests kept arguing with me, showing only one line.
4 weeks later I decided to go see a doctor, and the good news confirmed what my body has been telling me - I was pregnant! Yay.
The excitement was soon replaced with morning sickness and a week later the joy of throwing up. It was so horrible that I just reading pregnancy cook books rushed me to an intimate encounter with the toilet. I was miserable. I kept watching my mind movie in which I’m enjoying my pregnancy and wondering - why am I not?
And then I realized - I wasn’t focusing on what I wanted, I was focusing on being miserable, feeling nausea and hating the smell of food. And the only person suffering was me. I was the one feeling bad, i was the one feeling tired and drained and I was the one who wasn’t enjoying her pregnancy at all.
And so I started focusing on the good things - on the great weather (I would sit on my beautiful balcony, stare at the pool bellow me and enjoy the sun), on the miracle growing inside of me and how excited I am to meet him, and on my good fortune, to be just a phone call away from a good sister-friend whom I can call and whine and get support when I needed, my supporting family and my amazing mind who’s gonna get me through this happily and effortlessly.
I then took it a step further and started seeing myself enjoying food again. What came to mind was (surprisingly so) Subway. I craved a really good sandwich. And so I stopped at a bakery, got fresh rolls and rushed home to make a tasty sandwich…
I haven’t thrown up since. And though I sometimes still feel nauseated, I brush it off quickly and concentrate on good things. Like baby shopping, and baby kicks.
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